Sarah W

My NDE happened over 30 years ago. It was a crazy traumatic event that led up to it and telling people would have brought a lot of judgement down on me and my family. I was 15 at the time and in no way capable of handling that kind of exposure. So, I told no one except my mom, sister, and later my husband. For many years I intentionally avoided anything to do with NDEs out in the world. I just took the lessons my guide gave me and tried to fix my life and be a better person.

I am a nurse. Recently, I was injured at work and had to leave. For the first time in decades, I found myself with real downtime and started watching YouTube videos. I saw many videos of NDE stories were on there, so I finally watched one. I think it was divine intervention because the very first video I watched was of a nurse who explained very eloquently about what she went through during her NDE. I knew she was telling the truth in my heart. Listening to someone describe the same experience I had, just blew me away. I started crying like a child and ended up watching a lot more NDE videos. I realized I made a mistake not telling anyone, which is why I am submitting my story to you and other large NDE research groups. I hope my story can help others so they won't feel as isolated as I did for so many years.

At the age of 15, my stepdad moved our family to a new state far from the life, friends, and boyfriend I loved. I struggled to find my footing in a new city, which I hated. My parents were fighting constantly and our family fractured at the end of the experience. At the time of my NDE, I was an angry, isolated teenager with no friends and with very poor coping skills. I started getting into trouble and hanging out with bad crowds. Religion was not a comfort to me. My family was Christian, but I had always been agnostic. My life had not been an easy one up until then. I figured if there was a God then he must be either indifferent or punitive to allow so much misery to go on in the world. I wanted absolutely nothing to do with him.

I was invited to a party in the woods that was for the weekend and deep out on a reserve, far from town. I ended up hanging out with a large group of people that I didn't know. As if lying and sneaking out to go to the party hadn't been dumb enough, I made another incredibly stupid move by accepting drugs with little knowledge of their side-effects. The drugs kicked in too fast for me to find someone who could help me or get me somewhere safe. I began to have awful hallucinations that were so terrifying. I was desperate to get away, and suddenly the faces of all the people around the large bonfire that had been lit began to morph into demons and monsters. I was horrified! I felt that my only two choices were to run into the dark woods or escape into the fire. I ran into the fire to escape the monsters.

The pain was instantaneous and agonizing. I lit up like a Roman candle and burned for the time it took someone to notice and get close enough to try to pull me out. I don't remember much after that, but apparently the kids decided to hide me so they wouldn't get in trouble with the law. They tried to clean me up, and then I was left in the dark, on the ground, and away from everyone. Only the trees and the stars to keep me company.

I was rapidly going into shock and knew I was going to die. I remember repeatedly begging in my head like a mantra, 'Just let me out! Just let me out!' Someone must have heard me begging, because I passed out. Then I was being pulled up into a dark tunnel that was round and pitch black. I was pulled for some time, but at last was set down on a dark plain. It was a rocky, treeless expanse that was covered in a grey mist that swirled around me. I could look up and see stars overhead, but they weren't the ones I was used to seeing from Earth. The light was dim and everything was so quiet and peaceful, except for the wind that moved the mists. It was such a peaceful place, yet it looked like a scene from a horror movie or sci-fi movie.

Off to my right was a huge, ancient-looking stone wall that towered above. It looked like the panel of a massive, city wall. I instinctively knew there was a city behind the wall. It was like nighttime and everyone was asleep. It was still and silent except for the music. The music was soft and distant as it floated down to me from over the walls. It was like nothing I ever heard before, or since. The music was so beautiful, it made my heart hurt. I wanted very badly to go and find its source. It wasn't just music, it was 'love and hope' made into music; which I can't explain and didn't know was possible.

It still makes me hum inside, when I think of it. It is one of the things I can't wait to experience again when I die.

I realized then that I had no body, but I felt fine and whole. I didn't have any more drugged hallucinations, which was a huge relief. They must have stopped with the tunnel because that was the last time I felt 'drugged.' I could still feel pain and that puzzled me. Feeling pain felt wrong here in this place.

Then I realized I had a tether. I call it that because I had no idea what a spiritual tether was before this experience. But, I used to play tetherball with my sisters, so that's what I called it. The tether was invisible, attached to my left side, and trailed off to the left and back towards Earth. Earth was too far for humans to travel there and back. How I knew this I can't say. Knowledge is just there in my head, and it feels natural as breathing to access. I could feel my body back on Earth, but faintly. It was still in pain and dying. The heart was beating but the pauses in-between beats had become so long that I knew I was almost done, and I was glad. I wanted nothing to do with that broken flesh at all. It was completely foreign to me now, and I would go so far as to say I even hated it.

This beautiful glowing star that was my guide came to me. I couldn't tell if it was Male or Female but it just radiated a calm, loving intelligence. That was the moment when I knew, just KNEW that God was real. There was no denying it here in this place.

I got very angry thinking that if God was real, then he was the architect of all the pain and suffering of people on Earth; and specifically, of all my pain and struggle up until then. Anger there is a powerful and destructive thing because it is not the norm. I could feel myself swelling with anger, growing bigger inside my invisible skin. I wanted to lash out at God, and knock whoever this being was into another cosmos. I felt more than capable of doing just that.

That scares me to think of now. It was too much unchecked power that threatened to overwhelm whatever I was. It was becoming too much. Maybe that was why I was met outside the city. Somehow they already knew I was going to go nuclear. Strangely, the guide didn't react to my temper tantrum at all. The guide just stood there serenely radiating that calm acceptance and love. This reaction just made me angrier.

Inexplicably, a chess board appeared at the place where my feet should have been. I think I willed the board into existence but I'm not sure. It may have been my guide who did this.

I pointed at the chess board while trying to reign in my temper. Like the angry teen I was, I demanded to know 'Why?! Is this some sort of game to you? A joke?' The guide finally spoke to me then, in my head.

I realized then I hadn't said anything out loud. There is no need to speak at all there, since communication is instantaneous and clear regardless of distance.



The guide said to me, 'You choose to live your life on Earth and you choose your suffering.' Those words certainly brought me up short, and shocked me into stillness. I was no longer furious, only incredulous. I told the guide, 'Only an idiot would choose this.'

After that, we had a much needed talk. The guides presence seemed to calm me with every question the guide answered. I couldn't feel my body anymore so I assumed I was dead. This was fine by me, but as we talked I realized the guide was paying attention to my tether. They seemed almost concerned for it. I guessed that I might somehow be alive, maybe. The guide told me as we talked outside the sleeping city, that we are eternal beings that are made of energy and love bound together. Because we do not suffer on the here, personal growth, is more difficult to obtain. Choosing to live on Earth was one solution to this. We can choose to live a human life, or several, all in an effort to learn and grow. We never lose the people we love in any life, because we will see them as soon as we return home.

I was told that facing the struggle of living a life through the filter of love was our ultimate test. All the trappings that humans fall into: race, religion, politics, sexuality, money, nationality, and etc., none of that matters in the face of love. We humans live opposite of the way we are supposed to, and destroy ourselves for it.

I noticed the guide was becoming agitated? Concerned? They really were paying attention to my annoying tether now. They quickly show me images of my short life, shuffling through them like a deck of cards in front of me. They only stopped at what they thought were pertinent parts. They went on to explain that I could stay if I chose, but that I should return and finish my duty. They didn't explain what exactly my duty was, but I instinctively knew what that duty was while I was there. Yet when I came back to Earth, I could no longer remember it. We are supposed to figure that out for ourselves down here, apparently.

The guide told me when I protested returning that, 'There are children that need to be born.' Which I scoffed at because at age 15, I had no desire to have kids and told them so. They also reminded me of my boyfriend, my love for him, and my twin sister. It's true, I loved my twin and was in love with my boyfriend. I eventually married him and we had twins as well. But knowing this, I still didn't want to go back.

In that place we are different; we think and act differently. Things like feelings and a life back on Earth don't have the same concerns. I now knew that I would see them and my family again, and that they would all be o.k. eventually if I died and stayed. There was more talk of 'duty' and 'work to do.' I was actually joking with the guide by that time. I asked the guide if I was going to get a pair of wings and a sword. The guide told me, 'You won't be receiving wings and a sword here because you ARE wings and a sword.' Well, that shut me up.

The guide finally convinced me, but I was not happy about returning to a damaged body. I think the guide knew this, because I felt them doing something to my tether while I was being pulled back into the black tunnel. They healed me as much as they were allowed to help me survive, long enough to get help. After I made it to a hospital, I healed much better than I should have.

Today, no one can tell I was burned unless they look closely or compare my skin to my sisters skin.

When I woke up in my body again the stars were earth stars and dawn was breaking on the horizon. I was alone in the clearing and I could feel my body was mine again. The pain and exhaustion came back. Fitting into my body felt strange after my experience. I never really belong in it again, and it takes some getting used to. There were other permanent changes that I woke up with: I am no longer angry towards life and my family; no longer afraid to die, the opposite actually. Believing in God, and wanting humans to be better to one another, all that was permanent.

I cleaned up my life and became a nurse. I still think religion is a farce. But I love the idea of spreading love in the world, and wish it for everyone. I am grateful for my NDE. It was a gift that saved me from myself. I hope to pay that forward by sharing my story with others.