Gina L

I had two near-death experiences as a child; this is the first one, from 1980. During my upbringing, I was subjected to serious abuse. In connection with this, I had two near-death experiences as a child. The first time, I was five years old. I was in a situation that I didn't know how to escape. Suddenly, I left my body and found myself up in a corner of the room. I saw everything that was happening to me, but I felt no pain; nothing really. I saw everything that was happening from the perspective up being in the corner. I noticed that the people in the room became upset and terrified. There was screaming and shouting, and I saw myself stop breathing. In that same moment, I was drawn upward, backward, and away from the room. Then I found myself in a light so bright it has no equal. And yet I was not blinded. Everything was alive. There were trees, flowers, and grass. Everything was so alive and it was as if everything was almost speaking to me. I could hear "nature," and I experienced it so intensely. At the same time, I was in a love without words. To just be in it, float around in it, be completely enveloped. A love without beginning and without end; so strong that it cannot be captured in words, or even human thought. It was a love that surpasses all understanding. With me, very close and yet a slight distance between us, was a Being of light. I saw him, his face, and yet he was hidden in the light. He had always been there; and yet it was as if I was discovering him. He smiled invitingly and swept around in a 360-degree circle with his whole being, as if to show me all the amazing things; all that is alive, all that is, and all that exists. A short distance away, I saw them as light; alive and near. They saw me, and everything was just love from them. It was like a current that one cannot escape. And I knew that everything I wondered about was explained. I knew, and it was completely obvious. I knew everything. With a voice that sounded so familiar, he began to talk to me. Wordlessly, I heard inside me, and yet it was like an echo throughout the surroundings. "Come, I want to show you something," he said. I felt a little confused. "But I already know everything." He giggled a little, a loving laugh and winked a little. I felt as if he held a hand on my back and led me forward. Yet, it was as if we remained in the same place the whole time. In front of me stood a gigantic cherry tree in full bloom. There were new flowers that were constantly growing. The branches swayed in a very alive way; and at the same time, white petals rained down upon us. A short distance away was a darker area that was a little blurry. There I saw a woman sitting. She nodded at me, like a greeting. I recognized her and understood she was my grandmother. We stood there for a long time (I experienced it as such, even though time did not exist), and I was given a review of parts of my life. It contained the past, present, and future. I met a person I didn't know then, but whom I got to know much later in life. I experienced the lives of relatives before I existed, my time in my mother's womb, the decision to be born, events that affected my life then and also going forward. At the trunk of the tree, there was something like a circle of something glowing, a color like fire, but clearer and with stronger colors. The Being of light stood directly opposite me. He bent down and picked up a glowing orb. It crackled and shone. The orb looked like burning fire, but warm with love and not with fire. He handed me the orb, and I accepted it. He moved his and my hands toward me, and the orb took its place inside me. "You need this. I will follow you back." What? Back? Back to what? I don't understand. I felt myself back in my body. I felt myself breathing. I felt pain. And I felt the orb inside me, burning with reality, presence, and indescribable love. The orb has been constantly inside me ever since. And when I can be closest to myself, true to myself, near the truth, the orb becomes most active. This allows me to get in touch with what is the origin, the source. Then I am back there. I am here and at the same time visiting home. My second NDE, as a child, 1982. I had my first NDE when I was five, and it is connected to my second NDE. Not as a continuation, but more like an extended experience. Just as grand and amazing as the first, and at the same time, larger and deeper. Everything is deepened and enhanced. I was seven years old. I felt unbearable tension was in the room, in the people who were in the room, and within me. I just wanted to get away, but I could not escape. This was one of the worst and most terrifying moments of my life. I was beyond terror. I felt tremendous pain and a feeling that life was draining out of me as I was getting weaker and weaker. Almost at the same time, I felt a strong force. It was like an insight that I could not take anymore. I just let go. And suddenly I was there. Home. It was a recognition in a way that I did not understand at first. I was there again. The realization came to me that I was back. And yet I did not understand. I felt happy beyond words as I was enveloped in the Love. There was no separate between the light and me. I am one with everything; and yet myself, at the same time. Everything is bathed in light, in a sort of eternal love that just is. I just am in that which is. I felt a belonging without separation. I am in the All. Together with, in, enveloped, and enclosed. I am everywhere, yet myself and with everything. And it is as if there is a song within me, vibrating with tones inside me, around me, and at the same time everything is so softly shimmering, quiet. The Being of light was just there. As if he had never been separated from me. As if I had always been here. More self-evident than anything else. Behind him were three other beings of light. And right next to them, almost indistinguishable, were three people. They belonged with their respective being of light, and at the same time it was as if all four—my being of light and I—belonged with everyone. We are one and yet separate. As if we all merge into the same band of light beyond us and yet are here in what we are in. We talked without words, the Being of light and I. I saw the cherry tree. It felt like it was my tree. It was there. I recognized it with my whole being. Right at the foot of the tree lay the "fire orbs." Many of them, in different sizes. I asked a lot of questions. The being of light and I conversed. All questions were woven into each other, as were the answers. They could not be separated. We knew everything, and at the same time all questions existed simultaneously. I asked who the other three were and the three people who "belonged" with them. "You don't know it now, but you will understand it. In your future. Not here." "What future? What is that?" "The future that is yours." We talked about everything. I knew and understood everything. He knew that I knew, and we existed. I told him that I could not handle what I had to do. That I had made many mistakes. That I was not succeeding. That I did not have the strength. As if I was shrinking and cowering at the same time. "You are a human being. Straighten up. You are a child." "Play!" I ran, jumped, and swung. There were lots of children. We had a fantastic time. We fell off the swings, yet no one got hurt. We climbed all the trees. We bathed, everyone swam. We dove in the most amazing waters. We flew. We swam. We danced. Everything was done in love. It all was greater than everything. We talked. We knew everything. We laughed and joked. All around were people as light who were observing us with warmth and care. Play more, we were encouraged. Some light-people were farther away. I knew they belonged to me, but not now. That was a long time ago, in other times. Around the cherry tree, which was my tree, some children walked. They were not playing. They were just around the tree together with some Beings of light. I saw them receive fire orbs. And then they were gone. I sat with the Being of light in the greenest, softest grass I have ever experienced. I knew about the past, the before, and we talked about things one must not forget. This included times before this life; about missions, truths and untruths. We talked of pains that do not exist; love that does not exist in certain spaces; and love that is all that exists in all spaces. I did not say a word. The being of light said no words. Yet, the conversation was intense. We were in the space, the sacred, and the presence in an unlimited, infinite consciousness. The Being of light showed me my fire orb. The one I had received. He made it become sharper, clearer, more shining, more crackling, and like glowing gold. It was as if it was getting more "energy." The orb became even more beautiful. "Everything is here. In you is everything. Do not be afraid. In you, I am. Always. This is yours. For you." I felt like I always want to be here. It was the only thing I wanted was to be able to stay there with him. I wanted to stay in the conversation, in the truth, and in the love. He told me, "Later. Not now." He placed his hand on my fire orb and on me, as if sealing it. And I was back in my body. I realize that I am alive. I cry. Shake. I see a shining hand over my heart. It remained there for a long time. I knew and breathed in the love that I will never be separated from. I can still see his hand when I am visiting home.