Ananda L

My husband and I were about to board a ferry in New Zealand. As we sat in the car, it became apparent our marriage was ending. We'd been close to this before, but this felt final. After boarding the ferry, I went alone to the cafe on the 8th floor. I was completely distraught and in a complete emotional breakdown. I was listening to an audio book by Alan Cohen, The Course in Miracles Made Easy. I had been listening to it the entire previous week. As the pain intensified, I had the urge to order a wine. I was only one week sober so this was a disturbing feeling. As I opened my wallet to get a credit card, a sudden and very loud voice came to me and spoke the following words, slowly and with a commanding presence: "Stay With The Pain." It repeated this command over and over. Frozen at what I was experiencing, I let myself fall into the pain. The pain was so excruciating, as the tears uncontrollably falling down my face. I started to feel like I wasn't in my body. I felt connected to Source, while I was unmistakably leaving my body behind. After what must have been several minutes in this state, I suddenly was bathed in a glowing light. It penetrated my entire body. Realizations, like memories, started filtering in. I felt feelings of utter and complete Love, like I've never experienced before. The Love embodied me. The voice continued to speak, telling me the past was the past; that it did not exist anymore and was irrelevant. I heard that I could move on from here with no pain and no need to remember the past because it did not exist. People appeared to have a light above their heads, as if they too were disconnected from their bodies. I was only seeing what appeared to be their Spirits. Still feeling like I was out of my body, I kept looking at my hands, wondering if they were real. I have had tingling in my feet since this experience, nearly always. It is not an unpleasant tingling, just fascinating. My brain tried desperately to try to explain the situation, it couldn't. The Love just continued to flow through me, and does to this day, although not at that frequency and intensity. I felt a oneness with the universe and with All. The pain evaporated and left in its stead this complete and utter understanding that we are all One. The Voice spoke one last time that day, it said: "I will continue to guide you so long as you never put another drop of alcohol in your mouth." A stern warning, and one that has done its job. From that moment on, I have had no urges to drink whatsoever. That is truly miraculous. I'm not sure how long the experience lasted, but the ferry was 3.5 hours long and it was about to arrive at the other side. I texted my husband. I tried to tell him the feelings I was having. I still have those texts. Here is what I wrote to him: "What I'm learning is we only have today, if we live in the past (previous hurts) of the future (expectations) we are not open for the love that today brings. That's how I'm starting to live and it's freeing me from insecurities and projections." After this, he made his way to the cafe where I was. It was then that I told him about the light, the feeling I was experiencing, the light above peoples' heads, the glowing light pulsating inside me as if it were my blood. I don't remember everything I said to him, but I do remember him telling me I sounded like a Guru. My husband is not spiritual and I'm sure hearing all this must have been extremely bizarre. As we disembarked, we were supposed to both go together to a friend's house and I was supposed to continue on with my husband on our road trip. But I just couldn't be around small talk at this juncture in my experience. He drove me to a hotel. While there, I continued to bathe in this overwhelming Love. I sent a text that night to my husband: "Good night my beautiful husband, thank you for helping me to open up to my new self and soul. I don't believe our time together is over, rather, it is just beginning." In the morning, I texted him: "I still feel incredible. Like I've been touched/blessed by God. So much love bursting out of me. Living in this one moment changes everything." We are together still and we have an incredible peace that now permeates our marriage. My sobriety is also still intact, thanks to the dire warning. I would never want to give up having this guidance with me at all times. As a result, in the previous 60 days, my creativity has really come back. I started writing again, as I had authored many articles in the past. I now write a weekly column for our local paper called Inspiration Alley at The Informer. I write about uplifting, everyday topics that can lift people up. After retiring for one year, I've launched a new Life Transitions Coaching business. I'm currently applying to TEDx stages with a piece I have written about my experience, as it also tied into technology. During the experience, like the wine I wanted to drink, I fought the urge to consult AI for guidance, which would have more than likely prevented me from experiencing what I did. I also started a Women's Group that meets regularly and allows all to share deeper, more meaningful topics to bring us together in a way that small talk cannot. I cannot stop doing things for the community, driven to help. I've even approached the local school here, they need help. The teachers are struggling and the kids are paying the price. I am a completely new and better person, inside/out.