Emily W

At age 40, I was newly partnered with a man who had never had a child. I knew we were destined to be together, because the first time I laid eyes on him, a voice in my head said, 'THERE you are.' I felt like a search was over. After a year together, I said to him, 'Do you want a child?' and he said, 'Let's do it.' I had 4 children from a previous marriage, so this was my gift to him. My twins, born 7 years prior, were delivered by planned caesarian, but the two eldest were natural births. I wasn't afraid that my previous scar would open up during this birth, as I was told the scar was established now and there was no risk of tearing with contractions. A week before due date, I went to the hospital and told them I had a vision of the scar tearing open and asked to have a caesarian birth. They told me it wasn't possible with the due date so close and it would be fine. 5 days later, my water broke while I was at home. I was raced to the hospital with mild contractions. After a few hours in the birthing suite, I started getting strong contractions. The pain was so intense, I was shaking. I explained to the midwives that my first two children were born naturally, without any drugs, so I knew what child birth pain was like. I told them this pain WAS NOT IT. They laughed at me and left me.

For 11 hours, bleeding to death internally. My baby was flat-lining, constantly in fetal distress from swallowing blood. My partner was so traumatized by my desperate pleas for help, that he has to leave the building. Finally, one of the midwives realized something was truly wrong. She found a surgeon and dragged him down to the suite I was in. He took one look at me and called a code. He was screamed at the staff that I was dying. There was total chaos with staff everywhere. They literally picked me up off the bed I was on and THREW me onto a trolley. Within 2 minutes, I was in theatre. The surgeon stuck his face in mine and said, 'We are going to have to knock you out. You are dying and your baby is too.' I told him to do whatever he needed to save my baby. They had a monitor on my stomach for his heart beat, and it started beeping again. He told me that they would give me an epidural instead as I was too close to death for a general to be safe. I don't know what drug they gave me for pain, but by now I was feeling ok and just nodded. My son was born, and they worked on him. Then I went unconscious.

I found myself in an endlessly foggy room. There were no walls and no ceiling that I can remember. It was like I was in the center of clouds.

God walked up to me and gave me a huge, beautiful smile. I was in no way shocked by his presence. It was a familiarity beyond any I knew on earth. He embraced me and told me he was so happy to see me. His voice, was the most familiar thing to me because I knew it. It was like every voice I had ever heard through my entire life, molded into one resonance. He walked a few meters with me while we were still in this cloud space; and we talked.

I can't remember a lot of what we spoke about. But I felt the PROFOUND sadness that he felt for how humanity acts towards each other. There was no anger, just a deep, painful disappointment and sadness. God is pure love. He has no capability of the God described in biblical myth. The God I was speaking to would never opt for revenge and punishment on his creations. His skin shone and sparkled with an intensely bright light; like nothing on earth. The light was the brightest of bright, but not glaring.

He told me the things that made him happy. Among these things was people showing kindness to each other, helping each other, and loving each other. He told me of how forgiveness was so important. He conveyed to me that if humanity were to survive, the only way would be through love. He explained that love was like an infection that would be able to take over and consume the darkness that was prevalent on earth. I could feel the love he had for me and for every soul. He told me that I was part of him, and that he was part of me and every soul on earth. We were all one and connected.

I don't remember anything else, except waking up in recovery. I was so cold and chilled to my bones. My teeth cracked because they were chattering that badly. A nurse that was next to me ran off to get me some heated blankets. It must have taken me at least an hour to stop shaking and warm up.

The surgeon came and spoke to me. He told me that internally I was a mess. He did what he had to do to save my life, but I would never be able to have more children. He warned me that if I became pregnant, it would kill me. My son had been thrown into the arms of his father in the hall, while they worked on saving my life. My partner told me it was hours until they told him I would be ok. He had never held a baby in his life and the whole experience was traumatic for him. When they finally wheeled me up into a room, they brought my son into me. Our eyes locked and this flash came across them. It was the look that I knew when I had met his father a year earlier. It was, 'Ahh, there you are.'

I believe God touched me again a few years ago, but it wasn't an NDE. But I do believe it was related because of the bond I had retained from my NDE experience.